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Why don't houseboys believe that This is legitimate free room & board


DesertCpl
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There are two main reasons that answer the question you've asked, as well as few other things to consider. First, there are almost as many fake "employers" here as there are fake houseboys, and many houseboys have grown weary of it. That is part of the reason this site isn't anywhere near as active or popular as it used to be. Honestly, it's easier to find houseboy positions on any regular dating site as long as you position your profile to show that you are a houseboy or someone looking for one. Far fewer fakes on regular dating sites. Don't be so surprised when a boy is weary of a "free" arrangement, one which yours isn't.

The second part of that is that it does, indeed, come off odd that someone would post so many messages in a few days time seeming to get more and more desperate (I don't mean to use that word disparingly) about needing to find a boy. Just relax and be yourself. The right boy will come to you when it is meant to happen. I'm sure you two have a lot to offer (I know I enjoyed my time in Palm Springs as a houseboy, can't imagine a good boy not wanting to take advantage of that too), but put those good things forward instead of the desperation. Again, I hate to use that word "desperate" because it always has such a negative connotation; I just mean you're coming on far too strong to have so much to offer. 

I said there were two reasons, but there is a third and a fourth reason to consider, starting with pictures. Updated, recent, clear face pictures. Your profile on the main site has two pictures, neither of which a person can clearly see your faces. I understand the need for privacy as most of the men I worked for when I was a houseboy were high profile guys, but in all reality, few people using a houseboy site are on here trying to not be noticed. A few face pictures will make a huge difference. Yes, the dick pic of the younger half of your union is hot, but honestly, it's not showing anything that any other young boy on here can't show or currently isn't showing. A face will always stand out as more sincere and welcoming than a nude pic. In the end of my time as a houseboy, as well as a date or two that I've had from this site, they were guys I met and messaged here on the forums (the private messages) rather than on the main site (which is far slower). Adding a few pictures here wouldn't hurt.

That fourth reasons is the fact that you're a couple. This won't be an issue to the right boy, so nothing wrong with not being single. The thing is, which one of you is writing this profile and these ads/messages? It always turns out there one person tends to want the "third" far more than the other. On the other hand, when you have a couple that are so different, it's not unreasonable to run into the issue of the houseboy really being far more into one than the other. We can only assume the person behind this profile is the older gentleman when you look at the turn ons listed in the profile and how much they match the smooth young boyfriend/husband you already have, as well as the forum responses to Asian houseboy ads. A houseboy can only wonder why, if you already have that at home, would you need or want more, and what he would have to do to fit in to whatever it is you're not getting. That brings me to the next point, which is the idea of free room and board.

No, it's not free. Any houseboy knows he will have to put out in order to give you, the employer, everything you're looking for or suggesting in your profile. The only guys that can just disconnect and be sexual with anyone in exchange for a place to sleep are... well, that's why this site is a fantasy site, not a true employment site. Although you never come out and say you're looking for sex, it's quite obvious you are. I mean, no one posts a picture of a cute young smooth naked Asian (or any) man as a part of a job profile. That brings me back to my previous point; though the only nude pic is of your boy, is that who the third person gets to be the most focused on sexually, or should they be someone attracted to the exact opposite of that, which is you? If so, why lure him in with something he's not really there to get? Also, if a houseboy doesn't fit what you desire the most, he might not feel he would be your first choice even if you do pick him. Seeing the sexy boy you already have and seeing you seeking something else/more, why would a houseboy on here think you'd would want him any more and not just send him packing in a month or so? Relocating multiple times is never free.

Also, I mentioned that you never really stated you wanted to find another boy for sex, but it's obvious that's what you want based on what you wrote. Other houseboys might notice that you seem to intentionally not fully state what you want. Even your post here, you just end the sentence mid thought with three periods. You do the same thing in your profile. This shows that you might not be the kind of man that just gets to the point or states things straight out. If a houseboy is in need of a stable man to live with, you must know that being unable to state things clearly is not a sign of stability or even honestly to be quite frank. What stops a grown man from being able to state what is on his mind? It almost looks like you're embarassed to let people know that you would have a guy give you sex in order to stay with you. Again, this site is fantasy. This isn't real employment or anything like that. As long as it's consentual, any real man would have no issue owning up to what he likes. As sites like this fade into history, there is no reason to fully enjoy whatever it is you like, and you won't find the right boy that likes the same if you're hiding from it.

With all that being said (I know, it was a lot, but I am sitting here bored while working, so meh...), anyone can tell your heart (and desires) are in the right place, and that you two have a lot to offer. Just don't cloud it by putting up a sense of desperation when anyone can see from what you already have waiting for you at home that you don't have to be. Still, be realistic about the idea of offering room and board in exchange for a sexual and likely emotional connection that this houseboy would have to make with you two, which makes it anything but free. State what you want, but show them what they're getting; make him want it instead of making him have to wonder. I mean hey, that worked for me. I'm not a twink, not a bottom, not the "ideal" boy in any way, yet I never had a gap between houseboy positions when I was a houseboy. If I was able to always find good arrangements, I know a guy living in a nice area that can support more than one boy who would take advantage of all that just by doing some chores and having sex would be a dream for a lot of the houseboys here. There are tons of hot employers on here that do get right to the point about what they want without sugarcoating things, so don't expect to stand out beating around the bush (especially when it's quite clear you don't want a bush to beat around in the first place). 

Happy hunting!

 

 

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  • 1 month later...

Dang, truth. This all sounds spot on, at least for me. I guess I wanted someone who was transparent and up front, not misleading, and clear about what really goes into all of this. And a lot of the “maybe” and standoffish responses I’ve noticed I used to use that as a fallback to protect myself if I found out someone is not truly who they present to be. Jumping into any commitment has majorly uprooted a former life of mine, yeah, and it does come at a major cost. I’m not making money, I’m hoping things’ll pan out, and what then if I don’t really like them? What if it’s such a compromise to myself that I found I settled for a life I could have just as easily been making for myself? Like, really, I can figure out how to provide this stuff (and now do). It‘s just the human connections I’m lacking. 
We all want that, that makes a lot of sense. I’m catching on that there’s always some sort of caveat, though, and like he was saying, it’s not always monetary. 
 

I deleted my profile before (obviously came back) because I got tired of it, even though I’ve connected with a few matches for me over the years I was actually participating online - none of it really turned into meeting. I didn’t feel ready, or felt like it was too much of a rush. I do feel confident in eventually meeting one guy though because we’ve developed a relationship very slowly over a year, and still to this day, we talk and actually enjoy messaging each other. Actually, when we first made contact online, I asked him to tone it back originally when he wanted to message me multiple times per week. I wasn’t emotionally very available, only in spurts (like now), and then I would have to go back to tend to my own demanding work life. But we would message or get into doing some sort of weekly check in and that worked perfectly fine with me. Again, it wasn’t rushed. He just would message me like twice and I would be like dude back off. And when we finally communicated how often we wanted to talk after a few weeks or months of talking, we eventually came to some sort of agreement. I mean, how was I going to know if I really wanted to agree to communicate with someone indefinitely when I didn’t even know if I liked them??? I’m not gonna just make a commitment on week 1. But we did eventually work something out. I wasn’t in any rush to go anywhere. I’ve done that a couple times, allowing someone to rush me into a commitment, because I’ve really just wanted some temporary (very temporary, one day) connection which felt great, and it came to eventually hurt each time. Moving in with someone I know nothing about who has given me very limited information became one of my regrets and bigger learning lessons. Worthwhile stuff seems to take time to build (isn’t that what stability really is about?), and I’m not so keen to be pushed around or obligated by other people’s wants and and needs as much now. 

I think ultimately I’ve kept coming back for the fantasy of no worries, getting away from life, and doing some radical change like coming out of a combustion chamber two years later, all while enjoying a great sexual connection and companionship, revamped and ready to tackle the world, and fly away. I seem to do that when I realize I want a change or I’m realizing I’m not as happy as I’d like to be. Like this morning, getting on here. But maybe it is all just that - a fantasy with a hidden price tag. One big maybe. Seems like life ain’t one big cruise, and I gotta shape it how I want it to be if I wanna be certain. My two cents. 

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1dIwg2Ayour honesty here is refreshing (and rare for this site). As far as what you want in particular and how things work out with the guy you have been in contact with for some time, I truly do hope those things work out for you. Like I've said before, even with all the fake and flakes on sites like this, when I was a houseboy, I can say that I never had an issue finding another good position or arrangement, sometimes in less than 24 hours after one arrangement ended.

Being a houseboy was, by far, one of the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm not saying every situation was ideal, but from each situation, I gained great knowledge that I was able to use in my everyday life. That's what made every arrangement great. Though I love being on my own doing my own thing, you better believe I have dabbled back into be a houseboy here and there with pride because someone wonderful came along and saw me as a compliment to his life.

Anyhow, I'm responding to what you wrote for one reason, something you pointed out a few times that struck a cord with me. Being a houseboy can be whatever you make the situation to be, not just what the host or "employer" dictates. No one can decide for you what you take from any encounter, but fear can limit that a lot. The truth of the matter is that meeting someone in person after a few hours of chatting is no different or any less "safe" than meeting someone after months or years of chatting. Am I saying you should be more laxed about meeting people sooner? No, not at all. Can I personally say I've met and moved into houseboy arrangements after chatting for less than 24 hours? Yes. Did they work out? Yes. My first was chatting with a guy for 2 hours and then going to Key West to meet him and hang out for a week. I left 3 years later. The second time I did it was when my hosts in Palm Springs told me they no longer needed me and gave me 30 days to find another arrangement. That night I went online to a similar site like this and met a host that flew me out the next day to West Texas since he was/is a big time bank exec to the oil industry out there. That lasted beautifully for 7 or 8 months until I accidentally met the guy that I ended up dating for 9 wonderful years. 

What made me safe in all of those situations had nothing to do with the guy I met, but 100% to do with the guy I am. When you said "I'm not as happy as I'd like to be", that's just it; you can't depend on others to bring that to you. We sometimes think being around a generous wealthy guy will just make life so much better for us, but that will just leave you on an emotional (or financial) rolloercoaster as guys and situations tend to come and go. You have to get right with yourself first, and when you put your happiness first, you'll realize you can truly be happy with or without the money. The better off you are as a person before you dive into houseboy situations or relationships or even friendships, the more stable your entire life will be. I learned how to work from home doing basic customer service jobs or data entry jobs that didn't take away from the attention I could give to my hosts. Of course, those aren't "dream jobs" (well, it kind of is now during covid, glad I'm already at least 10 years used to working from home before 2020 hit), but those simple jobs are the reason I always had a few hundred or a few thousand dollars that I always had access to; I could leave at a moment's notice if I had to. That took care of the money issues. One thing about just being happy or comfortable enough to just move in with a guy came partially from having my own cash saved up, but most of it honestly came from finding my own peace before I sought out a houseboy position. I never took a houseboy position for anything, and I mean ANYTHING, that I "needed". I was a houseboy because I wanted to be. Going in more relaxed and secure emotionally is what helped me be more open to bonding with these guys and their life/lifestyle which caused the few positions I've had to be very long lasting positions. In fact, they all commented on how I was "always happy" or was "always so calm even in tough situations". The more confident and happy you are in yourself, the more confident you'll be about any situation you're in, and that translates to an employer that's far more confident in you.

Don't run away from this site because certain types of people anger you or disappoint you. You won't find the right guy or situation when you're hiding because of the wrong one. On the other hand, being more sure of yourself and your own happiness and confidence will leave you less and less able to fall for the kind of guys you'd rather not be around or waste time with. You will start to truly learn what quality of quantitity truly means and how it doesn't always relate to financial or material things. Don't expect to the best houseboy without first being the best you first.

Also, life is about living. A part of living is learning. Never have regrets. Regrets just mean you didn't learn anything from the situation before letting your emotions get the best of you. I'm not a religious person (at all), but I believe everything happens for a reason, and that reason is usually to learn from it. Sometimes when people aren't on your level and don't want to admit that, they call that "baggage" to try to bring you down to their level. We all have baggage. We all are, today, what we are from what we experienced yesterday. We take things with us along the journey called life to hopefully make tomorrow a bit better or easier or make more sense. It's when we hold on to things that aren't bringing us any good, like things that make us afraid to try something, that it becomes an issue. That's not baggage; those are called tethers. Baggage will allow you to travel along your journey, but tethers will keep you stuck in one place always thinking about it, always regretting something.

I say most of that talking about how you mentioned the idea of moving in with someone you don't know is one of your biggest regrets. Well, think about it; when you take a job, what do you really know about the people you're suddenly left alone with? When you get a roommate, how much do you know about that person before you move in together? In those situations, you have the tools to walk away from those things if you notice they're not safe or healthy for you or your well being. I'm not sure why houseboys don't think they can't apply the same logic to meeting guys to maybe one day live with and work for. You won't find the right position if you expect to chat for a year or more before ever meeting a guy, I can just tell you that now; if you've chatting with someone for more than a year and neither of you have made the arrangement to actually meet, whether it be financial reasons or other fear, it's not going to happen or you should look at why it hasn't happened. For example, if you're wanting to be a houseboy for finacial gain but he can't afford to meet you in a year (not saying it's always up to the employer), don't expect him to be able to take care of you if and when you do finally meet. Maybe it's just the opposite; maybe he's waiting for you to show some initiative (because no host likes a lazy helpless houseboy) by showing that you're doing something to make the money so that you two can meet. In that case, if he finally does break down and pay your way, are you going to be able to impress him if you get there and are still the same helpless person he chatted with online? Also, you have to admit, if you truly are seeking a houseboy position and want to give it your all, a host won't really see that if you're not even willing to communicate as much as he wishes. If a host sees you have better things to do or just don't want to communicate as much as he does, he's not exactly going to then shell out the money or effort to bring you to him. If it's not about money but you haven't yet met because either of you aren't sure about the other or yourself, what will chatting do to actually fix the issue? You're both still who you are, so if it hasn't been enough of a match to meet yet, what will change that (unless someone starts changing their story)?

So yeah, I love your honesty and how open you are on here with your response. Just get yourself and your situation right before worrying about any other guy or his situation and then when you come back to your search, you'll find it's much easier to find whatever it is you're looking for when you at least know who you are and what you want without doubt or reservation. Yes, it's a lot easier for the skinny twink boys that are just looking for daddy dick and a little money for taking it, and they're a dime a dozen which is why hosts go through them like drano through a sewage pipe, but if you're about something more than that, you have to come from a place of self confidence that will allow you to be and offer more so that you get the most out of the situation.

You stated it so perfectly when you said "Seems like life ain’t one big cruise, and I gotta shape it how I want it to be if I wanna be certain." You're 100% right about that, but don't think you can't do that as a houseboy. The idea of the wonderful life as a houseboy is far more than a fantasy if you first put yourself in the right position to be able to find and be found by the right confident and happy host that feeds off of your confidence and happiness.

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Sorry that was so long, but while I love meeting houseboy that eventually make it on their own, I remember all that being a houseboy has done for me and cringe at the thought of someone that doubts the opportinities right in front of him. Don't miss out on what could be the best experiences you'll ever have in life.

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  • 1 month later...

"First, there are almost as many fake "employers" here as there are fake houseboys, and many houseboys have grown weary of it."

Preach! The overwhelming majority of folks who get in touch, here and elsewhere, are largely looking to catfish or steal nudes. This reduces the actual pool of masters rather substantially. Add on to that there seems to be a diverse range of ideas of what such a relationship actually entails - mostly fantasy, I fear - that finding someone who is both genuine and a good match in terms of reasonable expectations, chemistry, plus all the other factors such as location etc. just make it difficult. Actual dating is way easier, paha.

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5 hours ago, OxfordSubBoi said:

"First, there are almost as many fake "employers" here as there are fake houseboys, and many houseboys have grown weary of it."

Preach! The overwhelming majority of folks who get in touch, here and elsewhere, are largely looking to catfish or steal nudes. This reduces the actual pool of masters rather substantially. Add on to that there seems to be a diverse range of ideas of what such a relationship actually entails - mostly fantasy, I fear - that finding someone who is both genuine and a good match in terms of reasonable expectations, chemistry, plus all the other factors such as location etc. just make it difficult. Actual dating is way easier, paha.

Basically, yes, but finding a legit host or houseboy can be just as easy as dating if done right. Since this is a fantasy site, some people tend to leave too much to fantasy, including ignoring those obvious red flags as if they're not really there. Stay true to yourself and it becomes impossible for a fake person on here to lead you on or take anything more from you than a few email exchanges on here. 

It's all fun and games to pretend you're meeting an "employer" to have to please sexually (or in my case, meeting that guy that is a tough boss at work but is a complete sub bottom at home and behind closed doors haha), but when you notice things like his house doesn't look like what he had in the picture or he's 25 years older than the picture he used, well, that's not fun and games, and that's nothing to ignore. Those are red flags; these are the reasons that, when I was a houseboy, even if a guy provided my transportation to him, I always had backup cash or an account that I could use to make my getaway if a guy turned out to be a complete fake or flake. 

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